noun: hatred; plural noun: hatreds
  1. intense dislike or ill will.
    “racial hatred”

I rarely use the word hate to describe anyone mainly because it is hurtful and used in the wrong context or thrown around like it means nothing. Over the past year I have been filled with many emotions towards one person who at one point I would have trusted with my own life. At first it started out as confusion then transformed into guilt, anger and much more. I have realized that I have now come to the point where I have the feeling of hatred towards this person. Its not only this persons attitude but their actions that I have become to hate.

That person is not the only one who I had the feeling of hatred towards. When I first came to realize that my trauma was not a dream and that it had in fact happened I began to hate myself. That feeling of hatred didn’t go away until this past fall, I am just learning to love myself again. I never want to feel that way about myself ever in the rest of my lifetime. Nobody should have to endure the pain of hating themselves for doing something or not doing something. I am taking all the right steps to become healthy and happy with myself.

I am not in a place where I am ready to open up to what happened to make me feel this way. One day I hope to share my story and help others cope with the trauma as I am.

Allison McKensey